This weekend we have spent at the theatre watching the girls perform their dance sport (Calisthenics) for the state championship competition.
Sophie is probably the youngest competitor and just goes out to have fun. Her courage amazes me - she is so little (she is only on about the 10th percentile for her age), and she goes out on that great big stage all by herself. She looks the adjudicator in the eye, she smiles and she remembers her routine. She truly is amazing and I just love watching her.
Julia has struggled this weekend and I have found it tough watching her disappointment. It is quite possible that there are girls with higher point averages not being placed. *Sigh* Nothing we can do about it. Just improve next year and hopefully it will see her place then :) I am HUGELY proud of her, she has worked hard to overcome a few difficulties and I admire her strength and courage.
The one thing that I will personally take away from the weekend is how Julia managed her pain. She let some of the emotion out on Saturday night and then changed her focus to looking ahead. And again today when she again didn't place, she got over the disappointment and has said she will concentrate on next year. She still has her dream to make it to the National Championships, she hasn't let that go. Her ability to change her view point from past/present to future is an awesome skill. And it is a lesson I could learn from her.
Oh, and I loved one of the quotes from the programme...
"Love your sport. Never do it to please someone else; it has to be yours. That is all that will justify the hard work. Compete against yourself, not others, for that is who is truly your best competition."
Peggy Fleming - Figure Skater
And I nearly forgot! Weigh in day today and I have said farewell to another 500g. On target to meet the next goal!!
Sunday 29 May 2011
Wednesday 25 May 2011
So sick of Sensitive!
While working with CB, the counsellor, I am learning to 'notice' my feelings more. Especially the ones that are harmful and undermine me. When she asked what was the most common destructive thought in my head I had answered her before she had even finished speaking - I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
The logical part of my brain knows that this is crap but unfortunately that part isn't very strong and the emotional side wins out everytime. And it sucks.
It's like emotions are magnified 10 fold and it becomes very hard to turn them off. It is so destructive and debilitating, I cannot begin to explain that to anyone. The best example I have at the moment is the bike comment. I feel so bad that I can't bring myself ride a bike and I think therefore I have failed. There doesn't seem to be room in my head to say YET. I can't ride a bike YET. It's so easy to type but to mean it in my head is almost impossible.
And then you get stuck on the words and actions of other people and obsess over them. I start to think that they are picking on me, or they are looking at me and thinking bad things about me. It becomes hard to go out in social situations, to feel confident about anything. When someone does say or do something nice it is so hard for me to believe. Even from the people I love the most, I can't believe I am worthy of their praise. I feel as if I have never lived up to their expectations.
This is what I mean when I say the fat is an armour plating, it is my wall - I can blame these feelings on being fat. It's not a problem in my heart, my soul or my mind - it's cos I'm fat. It's not and we all know it's not. That's just what I tell myself to avoid having to really deal with it all and that has to change! To quote P!nk's awesome song 'Perfect' - ".....You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you are wrong. Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead."
I have to change and not just physically, this emotional stuff has to go as well. And that is going to be harder than any physical workout you could throw at me. I need to be strong and confident, otherwise how will me girls ever learn to be the same?
Today I got a message from someone that is a friend, although not a close one. I think she is stunning, a really attractive, strong and capable woman. Her words have had a big impact this morning and I actually DO believe her, she wouldn't have said them if she didn't mean them, she's just not that type of person. I wonder of she realises what a gift she's given me in those words? I'm sure she won't mind me sharing them with you:
I think you are an incredible woman. Strong, determined, courageous and inspirational. You are everything a woman should be! Keep up the amazing job and keep striving towards your goals. No matter how small or big your progress, it won't matter. The pure fact that you're heading towards your ultimate goal is the main thing. After all, it's not the final destination that we learn from, it's the jouney that has carried us there
So thank you lovely lady. I will treasure these words forever, they really mean a lot.
Another very good friend also told me this week that she saw a real difference in my attitude and strength this time and that she is sure I will succeed. These are words I will treasure as well. The difference this time is that I WANT to change,. For me. For my family. For the people that care about me. This is what will push me forward.
Hopefully soon CB will begin helping me to turn off these destructive thoughts and I will be able to be strong on my own.
The logical part of my brain knows that this is crap but unfortunately that part isn't very strong and the emotional side wins out everytime. And it sucks.
It's like emotions are magnified 10 fold and it becomes very hard to turn them off. It is so destructive and debilitating, I cannot begin to explain that to anyone. The best example I have at the moment is the bike comment. I feel so bad that I can't bring myself ride a bike and I think therefore I have failed. There doesn't seem to be room in my head to say YET. I can't ride a bike YET. It's so easy to type but to mean it in my head is almost impossible.
And then you get stuck on the words and actions of other people and obsess over them. I start to think that they are picking on me, or they are looking at me and thinking bad things about me. It becomes hard to go out in social situations, to feel confident about anything. When someone does say or do something nice it is so hard for me to believe. Even from the people I love the most, I can't believe I am worthy of their praise. I feel as if I have never lived up to their expectations.
This is what I mean when I say the fat is an armour plating, it is my wall - I can blame these feelings on being fat. It's not a problem in my heart, my soul or my mind - it's cos I'm fat. It's not and we all know it's not. That's just what I tell myself to avoid having to really deal with it all and that has to change! To quote P!nk's awesome song 'Perfect' - ".....You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you are wrong. Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead."
I have to change and not just physically, this emotional stuff has to go as well. And that is going to be harder than any physical workout you could throw at me. I need to be strong and confident, otherwise how will me girls ever learn to be the same?
Today I got a message from someone that is a friend, although not a close one. I think she is stunning, a really attractive, strong and capable woman. Her words have had a big impact this morning and I actually DO believe her, she wouldn't have said them if she didn't mean them, she's just not that type of person. I wonder of she realises what a gift she's given me in those words? I'm sure she won't mind me sharing them with you:
I think you are an incredible woman. Strong, determined, courageous and inspirational. You are everything a woman should be! Keep up the amazing job and keep striving towards your goals. No matter how small or big your progress, it won't matter. The pure fact that you're heading towards your ultimate goal is the main thing. After all, it's not the final destination that we learn from, it's the jouney that has carried us there
So thank you lovely lady. I will treasure these words forever, they really mean a lot.
Another very good friend also told me this week that she saw a real difference in my attitude and strength this time and that she is sure I will succeed. These are words I will treasure as well. The difference this time is that I WANT to change,. For me. For my family. For the people that care about me. This is what will push me forward.
Hopefully soon CB will begin helping me to turn off these destructive thoughts and I will be able to be strong on my own.
Tuesday 24 May 2011
I have to say sorry......
After losing the plot last week James and I have had several little chats. He assures me he would never have either dobbed on me nor forced me out for a walk if I really didn't feel like it or if I was too busy. So, James, I am sorry for not having faith in you or your love for me!
And your commitment to helping me is enormous and I really appreciate it - you felt so sick yesterday but you came and trained with me because JT wasn't there and when I was running you told me not to do the 800, to take it slower and build up. You'd finished your run and when you saw I was going to keep going you came with me and made sure I didn't give in when I was really hurting. So thank you.
I love you.
And your commitment to helping me is enormous and I really appreciate it - you felt so sick yesterday but you came and trained with me because JT wasn't there and when I was running you told me not to do the 800, to take it slower and build up. You'd finished your run and when you saw I was going to keep going you came with me and made sure I didn't give in when I was really hurting. So thank you.
I love you.
Monday 23 May 2011
And again!
So being stubborn can be a good thing.
I was so motivated by having lost so much weight this week that I really wanted to hit goal #2 out of the park. I was so determined, even the horrible weather wasn't going to stop me.
The first 400 meters were definitely a jog, but then I stepped it up and ran the next 400. That was over an hour ago and my legs still feel like jelly! But I wasn't going to stop I just couldn't. Just have to find it in me to do it again tomorrow. But I'm sure the stubborn streak in me will come to the fore again.
Now to start thinking of what's next......weight loss goals are easy, next one is 5% of my starting weight, which is so close I can almost touch it. I need to lose one more kilo to hit the 7kgs lost mark and that one's in the bag. After that I'm aiming for 10kgs lost and then 10% of my starting weight. I'd like to hit the 10kgs gone by my birthday which is 25th of July. Then another 2 months to the 10% - James' birthday, the 22nd of September.
As for physical goals - well I'm a little lost there. Will need JT to work on that one for me! For the rest of this week I just want to maintain my level, have a cracker netball game on Wednesday night and finish the week with a fun session of aqua aerobics with my friends, Mel & Karen! Looking forward to it!!
I was so motivated by having lost so much weight this week that I really wanted to hit goal #2 out of the park. I was so determined, even the horrible weather wasn't going to stop me.
The first 400 meters were definitely a jog, but then I stepped it up and ran the next 400. That was over an hour ago and my legs still feel like jelly! But I wasn't going to stop I just couldn't. Just have to find it in me to do it again tomorrow. But I'm sure the stubborn streak in me will come to the fore again.
Now to start thinking of what's next......weight loss goals are easy, next one is 5% of my starting weight, which is so close I can almost touch it. I need to lose one more kilo to hit the 7kgs lost mark and that one's in the bag. After that I'm aiming for 10kgs lost and then 10% of my starting weight. I'd like to hit the 10kgs gone by my birthday which is 25th of July. Then another 2 months to the 10% - James' birthday, the 22nd of September.
As for physical goals - well I'm a little lost there. Will need JT to work on that one for me! For the rest of this week I just want to maintain my level, have a cracker netball game on Wednesday night and finish the week with a fun session of aqua aerobics with my friends, Mel & Karen! Looking forward to it!!
Sunday 22 May 2011
Smashed!!
So goal #1 for weight loss was to lose 5kgs by the end of May. That goal is well and truly smashed!!!!!
Feeling very damn proud of myself right now. After the past few days when we all know I was feeling pretty down I did a naughty thing - I weighed myself. I am only supposed to weigh each fortnight on a Wednesday morning. But I was about to get in the shower today to get ready to go to work and those scales they just called to me. I could hear them telling me just how much exercise I've done this week and that they would have good news for me. Good news? The had fantastic news!! 5kg target is smashed and gone! I have lost 6 full kgs! 1kg more and a week early - love it!!! God it feels so damn good. Almost better than chocolate.....
During the conversation I had with JT when I was really angry, he told me to bottle it up and use it for motivation. I told him that making me feel bad would never motivate me and it won't, but today? Those scales? I am so seriously motivated right now it's not funny! I really wish I could bottle this cos eventually I will need the motivation and I may struggle to recall this feeling. So when I feel down again, just point me back to the 22nd of May 2011!
Feeling very damn proud of myself right now. After the past few days when we all know I was feeling pretty down I did a naughty thing - I weighed myself. I am only supposed to weigh each fortnight on a Wednesday morning. But I was about to get in the shower today to get ready to go to work and those scales they just called to me. I could hear them telling me just how much exercise I've done this week and that they would have good news for me. Good news? The had fantastic news!! 5kg target is smashed and gone! I have lost 6 full kgs! 1kg more and a week early - love it!!! God it feels so damn good. Almost better than chocolate.....
During the conversation I had with JT when I was really angry, he told me to bottle it up and use it for motivation. I told him that making me feel bad would never motivate me and it won't, but today? Those scales? I am so seriously motivated right now it's not funny! I really wish I could bottle this cos eventually I will need the motivation and I may struggle to recall this feeling. So when I feel down again, just point me back to the 22nd of May 2011!
Saturday 21 May 2011
A new day
So today is a new day - let's see if it can be a better one! Got up and took Miss Sophie to her netball session, it was pretty cold! Chatted to a friend and just generally chilled (literally too!). Still not feeling too good but better than yesterday.
Then we headed off to watch some AFL. It was the 30th Anniversary of James' old club and his brother was playing in the game so we decided to go and watch. JT was there too - he was meant to be playing but he had hurt is ankle (hope it's OK!). He and I had a chat and hopefully he understands what I am saying. But you know what? I've decided that it doesn't matter anyway. It's me that allows them to hurt me - I have the power to stop it to.
I know in my heart that I am working hard - I am doing the exercise and I am eating well. Yes there are a few spots that I could tweak the food and yes, I will admit that I ate a couple of 'bad' things yesterday when I was feeling bad. But an overall picture of my food intake is pretty damn good. I have done 5 exercise sessions in the past week as well.
So while I am hurt by the happenings of yesterday, I have picked myself up and I will continue to work hard, perhaps even harder. I will keep proving myself as it seems to be what I have to do!
Then we headed off to watch some AFL. It was the 30th Anniversary of James' old club and his brother was playing in the game so we decided to go and watch. JT was there too - he was meant to be playing but he had hurt is ankle (hope it's OK!). He and I had a chat and hopefully he understands what I am saying. But you know what? I've decided that it doesn't matter anyway. It's me that allows them to hurt me - I have the power to stop it to.
I know in my heart that I am working hard - I am doing the exercise and I am eating well. Yes there are a few spots that I could tweak the food and yes, I will admit that I ate a couple of 'bad' things yesterday when I was feeling bad. But an overall picture of my food intake is pretty damn good. I have done 5 exercise sessions in the past week as well.
So while I am hurt by the happenings of yesterday, I have picked myself up and I will continue to work hard, perhaps even harder. I will keep proving myself as it seems to be what I have to do!
Friday 20 May 2011
Set back #1
Well I lost the plot this morning - in a BIG way. Still feeling pretty upset about it actually.
So I went to meet James for a coffee this morning as I needed him to sign a bank slip. I had taken my measurements this morning too - another 400g gone (4.4kgs in total) and I have lost a whopping 10cms from around my waist. So I was feeling pretty happy with myself. James wasn't as he is struggling to lose at the moment. I suggested he look at what, when and how much he is eating. Knowing he wouldn't listen to a word I have to say I suggested he get JT to come as well, thinking that would help. How wrong could I be????
Very, apparently!
While JT did agree that portion size is an issue and made a few small suggestions to James it then turned on me. He has given James (and I) permission to 'dob' on each other and that if James says let's go for a walk, I have to. I am not allowed to say no and vice versa. Now that in itself doesn't sound so bad I guess. But the fact of the matter is that I will NEVER do that to James (dob maybe, but force him out to walk? nope) but he will take great pleasure in doing it to me - it's a power thing you see. You should have seen the look on his face - he thinks it is an awesome idea, too bad if I feel like crap. Not to mention that I dislike walking, in fact I would rather go to a gym than walk. And for me, that's saying something!!
So then they decide to talk about riding a bike.*insert swear word here*. I do enjoy riding a bike but I just can't do it. We've all seen the fattie riding a bike and had a laugh, haven't we (c'mon be honest)? Well I just do not have the confidence to put myself out there like that, I just can't do it. And as for having that tiny little seat stuck up my big fat butt? I don't think so, I can think of much better ways to inflict pain on myself. So then James says "The girls would love it. How happy would they be to ride as a whole family?" Well ouch!!! That just cut be to the core. Of course they'd love it - but here's where I fail again. I just can't do it, at least not yet. And to use that card about the girls really hurt. Rubbed my nose right in the fact that I am failing them by being so fat. Crap, crap, crap. My great morning has turned into a crappy day.
They went back to work and I left to do my errands. I got into the car and I was so upset and angry and the worst bit of it is that they had no idea. So I lost it at both James and JT - I sent them a very cranky text once I managed to stop crying long enough to see my phone! JT took it in his stride and James hasn't said a word. I'm sorry I did it but why, oh why can't men understand that image is so important to a woman? And that just because someone is overweight doesn't mean they don't care about how they look? In fact, I think it can become more of an issue when you are overweight.
Right now part of me feels like giving up and another part of me feels like just putting on my shoes and going out and proving I can run 2 laps of the oval (my little goal for the end of the month). I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do but what I do know is that I won't give up.......
So I went to meet James for a coffee this morning as I needed him to sign a bank slip. I had taken my measurements this morning too - another 400g gone (4.4kgs in total) and I have lost a whopping 10cms from around my waist. So I was feeling pretty happy with myself. James wasn't as he is struggling to lose at the moment. I suggested he look at what, when and how much he is eating. Knowing he wouldn't listen to a word I have to say I suggested he get JT to come as well, thinking that would help. How wrong could I be????
Very, apparently!
While JT did agree that portion size is an issue and made a few small suggestions to James it then turned on me. He has given James (and I) permission to 'dob' on each other and that if James says let's go for a walk, I have to. I am not allowed to say no and vice versa. Now that in itself doesn't sound so bad I guess. But the fact of the matter is that I will NEVER do that to James (dob maybe, but force him out to walk? nope) but he will take great pleasure in doing it to me - it's a power thing you see. You should have seen the look on his face - he thinks it is an awesome idea, too bad if I feel like crap. Not to mention that I dislike walking, in fact I would rather go to a gym than walk. And for me, that's saying something!!
So then they decide to talk about riding a bike.*insert swear word here*. I do enjoy riding a bike but I just can't do it. We've all seen the fattie riding a bike and had a laugh, haven't we (c'mon be honest)? Well I just do not have the confidence to put myself out there like that, I just can't do it. And as for having that tiny little seat stuck up my big fat butt? I don't think so, I can think of much better ways to inflict pain on myself. So then James says "The girls would love it. How happy would they be to ride as a whole family?" Well ouch!!! That just cut be to the core. Of course they'd love it - but here's where I fail again. I just can't do it, at least not yet. And to use that card about the girls really hurt. Rubbed my nose right in the fact that I am failing them by being so fat. Crap, crap, crap. My great morning has turned into a crappy day.
They went back to work and I left to do my errands. I got into the car and I was so upset and angry and the worst bit of it is that they had no idea. So I lost it at both James and JT - I sent them a very cranky text once I managed to stop crying long enough to see my phone! JT took it in his stride and James hasn't said a word. I'm sorry I did it but why, oh why can't men understand that image is so important to a woman? And that just because someone is overweight doesn't mean they don't care about how they look? In fact, I think it can become more of an issue when you are overweight.
Right now part of me feels like giving up and another part of me feels like just putting on my shoes and going out and proving I can run 2 laps of the oval (my little goal for the end of the month). I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do but what I do know is that I won't give up.......
Is some Mum better than no Mum?
So fear has been riding along with me for the past few weeks. I don't particularly like her, she doesn't make me feel good. I have been trying to put into words what I am scared of and it sounds so illogical and stupid! Can you believe that I'm scared to lose weight? I WANT to lose weight, I really do. I can picture the things I could do when I have but I struggle to know, to really know in my heart, who I will be.
All my adult life I have been overweight and most of it would be in the obese range. I don't know what it is to be thin. Will I still be the person I am now? The person who loves and cares for her friends and family or will I become a little more selfish? Taking the time for me to do the things that will keep me thin?
Selfishness is a terrible trait in my opinion, I can't stand selfish people and I don't want to be one. As a mother I want to give my children all of me and if that means I miss out on 'me' time then so be it. Is that silly? Have I gone too far the other way and become too selfless? If I don't lose this weight and I get more sick, or worse, I die, what will my kids have then? Nothing. So some mum is better than no mum right?
So much of my identity, of the person I see myself as, is linked to my weight. It is my safety blanket, I keep myself safe and hidden because I can't put myself out there and participate in things, the weight stops me. It is also my armour, the real me hides behind it. You know how people say they have built an emotional wall? Well my wall is visable that's all and it feels like taking it away is going to expose me, and that my friends is the most frightening thought in the world!
All my adult life I have been overweight and most of it would be in the obese range. I don't know what it is to be thin. Will I still be the person I am now? The person who loves and cares for her friends and family or will I become a little more selfish? Taking the time for me to do the things that will keep me thin?
Selfishness is a terrible trait in my opinion, I can't stand selfish people and I don't want to be one. As a mother I want to give my children all of me and if that means I miss out on 'me' time then so be it. Is that silly? Have I gone too far the other way and become too selfless? If I don't lose this weight and I get more sick, or worse, I die, what will my kids have then? Nothing. So some mum is better than no mum right?
So much of my identity, of the person I see myself as, is linked to my weight. It is my safety blanket, I keep myself safe and hidden because I can't put myself out there and participate in things, the weight stops me. It is also my armour, the real me hides behind it. You know how people say they have built an emotional wall? Well my wall is visable that's all and it feels like taking it away is going to expose me, and that my friends is the most frightening thought in the world!
Thursday 19 May 2011
Just a quick post
I wanted to share a song that I find so motivating right now. I love music so we will probably see a few songs along this journey. These are the lyrics to Katy Perry's Firework. Love it!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html
An introduction.....
OK, here goes! I have never blogged before but I feel strongly that I need to get this stuff out of me and I figured a blog was better than a diary because it's easier for my friends and family to follow my journey and I hope it will help others in the same position as I am.
My name is Rachael and I am 37 years old. I am married to James and have 2 beautiful daughters, Julia and Sophie. They are 10 and 6 respectively.
I am obese. I currently weigh 134.5kgs and I am only 167cms tall. That gives me a BMI of 48.2! I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Type II Diabetes and Hypertension. I am medicated for all these.
Finding out I had hypertension and that my diabetes was getting worse hit me very hard. I do not want to die young, I do not want to be a burden on my family or society and I do not want to feel sick anymore. So time to begin an action plan.
I have tried many diets. Ask any overweight person and they will usually say the same thing. For me, the one that had worked the best in the past was Weight Watchers. So first thing I did was rejoin. I am an 'online' member. I do not attend meetings but I get the information and support from the website and message boards. They are awesome. The plan is a lifestyle change more than it is a diet, I like that and I need that.
The second part of this process came in the form of a man called JT. He is working on the physical and fitness side of things. I can't wait until I reach my final goal to be able to say to him 'I owe you my life'. He's a friend of my husbands. He heard about my situation and offered to help 'train' James (who has a few weight issues himself!) and I. He does not charge us, thank God, because we wouldn't be doing it if he did! He is so enthusiastic and has the kind of personality that is really suited to this type of work. He probably doesn't realise the emotional roller coaster ride he is about to take with me but that's OK, he will soon!!! LOL.
I am very inspired by an American lady by the name of Ruby Gettinger. Some of you may have heard of her, she has a show on pay TV and it's all about her weight loss journey. Her blog is at http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/blog/index.jsp?categoryName=ruby
At her heaviest Ruby weighed 716lbs (that's 324kgs). She has lost over half of that weight and is still on her journey. It's a heartwrenching show to watch, to see all the emotion behind her weight and her addiction to food. I feel such a resonance with her. Ultimately it is her story that made me decide to blog. I hope I too can inspire.
Ruby has her 'team' around her. Doctors, trainers, friends, pastors and so on. I like the term 'team' so let me introduce my 'team':
#1 Supporter, friend and confidant - James, my husband. I'd be lost without him.
Trainer - JT, you've already met him.
Doctor - My GP, Dr Helen, is so supportive and kind.
Counsellor - we'll call her CB. She is amazing. She makes me feel that all the emotional stuff is OK.
Friends and family - you will meet them along the way but let me say from the start - I love them all so much, they are very important in my life.
And I am currently waiting on finding out if the Endocrinology unit the hospital will take me in as a patient. Currently it is almost impossible to see an Endocrinolgist in this city privately, they have all closed their books.
So from now on I will be posting about my weight loss journey and much of it will be the emotional baggage that goes along with that. Hence the name of my blog - I need to lose this emotional stuff to find the me that I hope is in there - the strong, determined woman who can fight this battle and win.
My name is Rachael and I am 37 years old. I am married to James and have 2 beautiful daughters, Julia and Sophie. They are 10 and 6 respectively.
I am obese. I currently weigh 134.5kgs and I am only 167cms tall. That gives me a BMI of 48.2! I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Type II Diabetes and Hypertension. I am medicated for all these.
Finding out I had hypertension and that my diabetes was getting worse hit me very hard. I do not want to die young, I do not want to be a burden on my family or society and I do not want to feel sick anymore. So time to begin an action plan.
I have tried many diets. Ask any overweight person and they will usually say the same thing. For me, the one that had worked the best in the past was Weight Watchers. So first thing I did was rejoin. I am an 'online' member. I do not attend meetings but I get the information and support from the website and message boards. They are awesome. The plan is a lifestyle change more than it is a diet, I like that and I need that.
The second part of this process came in the form of a man called JT. He is working on the physical and fitness side of things. I can't wait until I reach my final goal to be able to say to him 'I owe you my life'. He's a friend of my husbands. He heard about my situation and offered to help 'train' James (who has a few weight issues himself!) and I. He does not charge us, thank God, because we wouldn't be doing it if he did! He is so enthusiastic and has the kind of personality that is really suited to this type of work. He probably doesn't realise the emotional roller coaster ride he is about to take with me but that's OK, he will soon!!! LOL.
I am very inspired by an American lady by the name of Ruby Gettinger. Some of you may have heard of her, she has a show on pay TV and it's all about her weight loss journey. Her blog is at http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/blog/index.jsp?categoryName=ruby
At her heaviest Ruby weighed 716lbs (that's 324kgs). She has lost over half of that weight and is still on her journey. It's a heartwrenching show to watch, to see all the emotion behind her weight and her addiction to food. I feel such a resonance with her. Ultimately it is her story that made me decide to blog. I hope I too can inspire.
Ruby has her 'team' around her. Doctors, trainers, friends, pastors and so on. I like the term 'team' so let me introduce my 'team':
#1 Supporter, friend and confidant - James, my husband. I'd be lost without him.
Trainer - JT, you've already met him.
Doctor - My GP, Dr Helen, is so supportive and kind.
Counsellor - we'll call her CB. She is amazing. She makes me feel that all the emotional stuff is OK.
Friends and family - you will meet them along the way but let me say from the start - I love them all so much, they are very important in my life.
And I am currently waiting on finding out if the Endocrinology unit the hospital will take me in as a patient. Currently it is almost impossible to see an Endocrinolgist in this city privately, they have all closed their books.
So from now on I will be posting about my weight loss journey and much of it will be the emotional baggage that goes along with that. Hence the name of my blog - I need to lose this emotional stuff to find the me that I hope is in there - the strong, determined woman who can fight this battle and win.
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