OK, so maybe it's not so little. Especially not today when it is massive and screaming at me "YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!".
So why is it saying this to me?
For the past few days I have been competing in a radio competition called the 'Pop Quiz'. It's just 4 silly questions per day on celebrity news & gossip, sport and current events and stuff. There are 5 rounds and you win $50 each day but if you make it to day 5 you are going for $1000.
Well I made it to day 5 but completely bombed it. Was more upset than I expected to be and feel like a complete git. Just didn't know the answers and wasn't quick enough with google and the like to get me over the line.
Of course everyone else's reactions have been that I did so well to get to the 5th day but all I can focus on is the mistake I made. I stumbled on spelling the word PHARAOH and lost too much time thinking about it. I should have just passed it. Just can't seem to get past that. I have $200 that I didn't have before and I am only the second person this year to make to the $1000 round. I should be happy with that shouldn't I?
So why can't I turn off this stupid idiotic voice that tells me I am a failure? I don't like it and even trying to make it cound like Arnold Schwartznegger isn't working today. Grrrrr.
Thursday, 14 July 2011
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
So long....
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I have been very slack, and not just here!
It has been a tough couple of weeks. I have been a bit up and down on the scales and seem to have lost the enjoyment and motivation for doing the exercise. I know I HAVE to do it but sometimes that's not enough to keep you feeling good about it is it?
So I have been thinking about what made me feel good about it before. And I guess it was the feeling of empowerment and achievement. I seem to have lost those feelings these past few weeks. Not sure how to get them back. Perhaps I need to set some more 'physical/exercise' goals again? Stop focussing so hard on what the scales say and look more to the fitness side of things?
As for what the scales say, I couldn't be happier right now. 9.5kgs in 18 weeks. That puts me under the 130kg mark and I now sit at 129.3kgs. Not too shabby at all! I hope to never see the 130+ mark on my scales ever again!
Riding out the Stay the Same weeks and the gain weeks is a challenge. One I am going to have to find a way around. I need to be able to get my head and my heart a bit stronger or this whole process could fail. I do not want it to fail, so that in itself could be my solution.......
It has been a tough couple of weeks. I have been a bit up and down on the scales and seem to have lost the enjoyment and motivation for doing the exercise. I know I HAVE to do it but sometimes that's not enough to keep you feeling good about it is it?
So I have been thinking about what made me feel good about it before. And I guess it was the feeling of empowerment and achievement. I seem to have lost those feelings these past few weeks. Not sure how to get them back. Perhaps I need to set some more 'physical/exercise' goals again? Stop focussing so hard on what the scales say and look more to the fitness side of things?
As for what the scales say, I couldn't be happier right now. 9.5kgs in 18 weeks. That puts me under the 130kg mark and I now sit at 129.3kgs. Not too shabby at all! I hope to never see the 130+ mark on my scales ever again!
Riding out the Stay the Same weeks and the gain weeks is a challenge. One I am going to have to find a way around. I need to be able to get my head and my heart a bit stronger or this whole process could fail. I do not want it to fail, so that in itself could be my solution.......
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